So, people want to talk about what’s trending, what’s in… blah blah. But what about what’s NOT? More often I see things that people SHOULDN’T be wearing than things that they should. It’s an ugly world, I am truly appalled at some of the street wear out there, and I’m starting to feel a bit like Jon Stewart: *****SCRIBBLES VIOLENTLY. SLAMS PEN INTO DESK*****. Below you will find some very basic, yet important tools for what NOT to wear this fall. Not to worry, I’ve included ample surrogates for your most beloved staples.
#1: What Not to Wear: Hopefully obvious, Platform heels: Just because Lisa Vanderpump does it doesn’t mean you should too. There’s no need to dress like you’re in Vegas on the reg or ever.
What to wear instead: a low heel. Or a high chunky heel with a flat bottom. If you’re wearing pumps, just wear normal pumps. For the more fashion-forward or adventurous, geometrical pumps work as well.
#2 What Not to Wear: Booties: this one requires a definition. By booties I mean (often) high heeled boots that hit right around the ankle. You wear them with your skinny jeans, perhaps? (See further direction on skinny jeans below.) Please, THROW THEM AWAY DON’T even give them away you shouldn’t do that to someone that’s just mean.
#2a What Not to Wear: Booties with Ankle Cleavage: This is the worst thing you could ever wear ever.
What to wear instead: ABOVE-the-ankle boots. These boots are still called booties, but they now have nice coverage of the ankle.
But then, there ARE exceptions to every rule…like these, these are okay:
#3 What Not to Wear: Skinny jeans: this one also requires a definition: Circulation-eliminating and hit at the ankle or, worse, below it. This is WRONG. Important: You can still wear them as long as they are a little cropped. THIS IS THE NEW HEMLINE PEOPLE. The Midi?!? Heard of it?
Its not just for skirts and dresses, it’s for PANTS too. As I explained to one of my clients recently, or like, my one client, here’s what’s happening: hemlines are going up. Consequently, shoe-lines (made-up word) are going up as well. It’s like a game of chase: Pants and skirts are running up the shin, and boots are creeping up to reach them. I’d prefer not to see any full length pants for the rest of the year I don’t care if you live in Antarctica.
What to wear instead: Boyfriend jeans/pants with a slouchy look. Skinny-ish jeans that are cropped. Mom jeans. This is not a joke: Mom jeans. Culottes. Any cropped pant. High-waist bell bottoms (cough cough, this would be an exception to the full length pant rule).
#4 What Not to Wear: Bauble necklaces: For the love of God please stop wearing these. Please resist the temptation to put on a necklace at all. I believe I’ve already written a post on this. You won’t be warned again.
What to wear instead: how about no necklace? That’d be good. Minimalism is very acceptable. Or a light dainty gold necklace. Or a long necklace (please refrain from making long tassel necklaces your statement piece, however. We know what you’re doing.) Or how about just some rings and/or bracelets.
#5 What Not to Wear: Scarves: ugh. Ok. I know this is going to be a hard one for everyone. So, of course scarves are a classic. Of course. But wearing them AS your outfit is just far past being okay. They are also being worn differently. They are no longer being worn as a “bib,” covering the entire front of your shirt or dress. If worn at all, they are solely worn around the neck.
#6 What Not to Wear: Leggings: NO. Unless part of a workout uniform. No more tucking leggings or jeans or pants or tights or WHATEVER into knee high boots. I would’ve hoped this would go without saying; however, a weekend jaunt to Fredericksburg recently solidified the need to make an announcement. So, Stop it. Stop it right now. Target has some great, affordable options of cropped sweatpants/casual pants; Zara does as well. They look great with LOAFERS (very STRONG trend for fall thanks to last fall season at GUCCI, I love you Alessandro Michele), or FURRY FLATS and also the NEW WHITE SNEAKER (Vans are OUT, please, please stop that too). Regarding casual pants, if you are unsure, go for a looser pant leg that has a cuff around the ankle like this. See pics below for more on what’s in regarding shoes (as well as proper pant hemline-to-shoe ratios; at the end of the day, fashion is a lot like math).